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Welcome My name is Tess. I'm a 9-5 New Yorker and traveler. My hobbies include destroying suitcases, photo-bombing tourists in Times Square, and taking long romantic ADHD walks around the globe. Welcome!

Oct 29, 2012

Dear Coney Island - Mermaid Memories

New Orleans may have Mardi Gras but Brooklyn's got Mermaids?

 Once a year, hundreds of thousands of people pour out of the Stillwell Ave subway station in Brooklyn New York, and turn Coney Islnad's shoreline into a cross between the cast of The Little Mermaid and Ru Paul's Drag Race. This is how Coney Island has celebrated the beginning of the Summer season, since 1983.

Not only was Coney Island, at one point, an actual island. But it was also considered a major resort destination. It was kinda like the "Hamptons" of the early 20th century but within an amusement park. However, this ain't the Coney Isle of yore. It has changed quite a bit over the years, still it manages to sparkle - in one way or another.

Dear Coney Island - A few months ago, I washed ashore from being abducted by your queer Mer-People, during the annual Mermaid Parade.. And I am forever changed. And by "changed" I mean slightly traumatized. I don't know exactly how long I was gone for but I resurfaced
with nipple pasties

I've never seen a Japanese- Geisha Mermaid.
But then again I've never seen a 4-legged starfish...well actually
 he does have one more leg....wait wait is he a Seahorse?  I'm so confused

However, before I lost all consciousness, I recalled Surf Avenue was swamped with sailors, sirens and thousands of painted bodies dripped in sequins, glitter, gold and of course, nipple pasties.
 Hell, after a few drinks, I'm sure I also saw Puff the magic dragon, the Loc Ness monster and Popeye.


Like many of you, I was thinking; This must be a pretty amazing beach, if there is a parade in it's honor right?  But, Oh Coney, you're riddled with dilapidated rides, mediocre beaches and a boardwalk that makes the Jersey Shore look classy.

Add to that, water which looks like the run-off from the spin cycle against the back drop of tenament buildings. I mean I wasn't expecting  a Caribbean shore line but I guess I figured mermaid's had higher standards. Still, even way beyond prime, you are still so dear to the hearts of many Brooklynites.

Dear Coney Island - you take this costume sh*t very seriously.  I've been to the Village Parade on Halloween in New York and I've seen some pretty creative stuff.  But given the warm weather and the theme of this parade, there seemed to be  a severe lack of actual material for these costumes. There was however, no lack of imagination.

Dear Coney Island - the availability of alcohol on your boardwalk made it that much easier to observe some of the more scary sketchy characters. Unfortunately kids can't drink, so many of them just crouched down, low, in fear. Which is what I did until I found Corona's and cotton candy.

Dear Coney Island - Who released the queer Kraken?  Like this gent, there was no shortage of awe-inspiring costumes,  as an array of colorful characters sashayed down the planks. I even considered where I could purchase a few of the outfits I saw...and then eventually, I stopped drinking.

Dear Coney Island - I saw pirates, crustaceans, colonial women and women who were just plain ole topless - which is legal in New York.   But can you please explain to me: What does Jesus have to do with this?  I'm just saying, not that the son of God isn't welcome at all occasions.  But unless he is here to turn beach water into wine, then I think this borders sacrilege.

Dear Coney Island - Ever feel like the odd man out? Well i did!  Because nobody told me to me that the dress code was "half naked." I was so overdressed in jeans and a T-shirt. But seeing all this skin just made me want to get butt-ass-naked, strip the scales off a fish and drape myself in seaweed, seashells and a spanx body suit.

 Dear Coney Island -What I like about your Mermaid-mardi gras is that everyone and anyone could strut in your parade - they just need to register. Doesn't matter if they are from Brooklyn or beyond. There is also contest for best costume.  I imagine first prize would be two tickets to much nicer beach? Jus' sayin

Dear Coney Island - Yes the Mer-people were nice folks. They treated me well enough that i would return and stuff my face with boardwalk food while gawking at the participants who didn't seem to mind one bit, my open mouthed staring.

Would I participate? I love themed festivals, and I can tell you that I certainly wouldn't rule it out. And considering mermaids live for about 300 years, I've got plenty of time to think about my costume.
Well kids, I've still got some sand and seaweed in my crotch to rinse out. So, thanks for joining me! And now.... look at the rest of the damn pics!

Mermaids have families too

Dear Coney Island - I don't know who "knocked up" this mermaid.
But I think she came on shore looking for child support






  1. I'am confused, aren't mermaids supposed to be putyyyy? I think I should have had a drink before I looked at those pictures, cause now I want to pluck out my eyes!!!


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