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Welcome My name is Tess. I'm a 9-5 New Yorker and traveler. My hobbies include destroying suitcases, photo-bombing tourists in Times Square, and taking long romantic ADHD walks around the globe. Welcome!

Jul 5, 2011

If These Floors Could Talk

She sat shoveling White Castle cheese fries down her throat while riding the F train uptown from Delancy St. It wasn't until she leaned over to pick up her soda cup off the subway car floor that I realized she was more than hungry - she was clearly out of her mind. 

They can run up to 35 mph, can jump two feet high, require only one ounce of food per day and can spread up to 35 diseases worldwide. Superman ain't got nuthin on them. Yes I am talking about NYC's fastest breeding residents - Rats. They also ride the same trains as thousands of New Yorkers daily.

Subways are so infested with these cuddly Bubonic Plague carriers because New Yorkers are generous with their leftovers. In NYC millions of rats scour platforms, train cars and subway tracks feeding on a smorgasbord of garbage discarded by people like our White Castles friend. 

Subway surfaces are Petri dishes full of rodent urine and fecal dust that you could be unknowingly bringing home to the dinner table. This dust stays trapped in subway stations marinating on the floors of train cars right under your messenger bag that Whole Foods bag of expensive organic goodies and of course that refreshing White Castle soda cup. All of which you will likely be tossing on food preparation surfaces like tables and kitchen counters in the comfort of your clean cozy homes - enjoy!

Jul 4, 2011

Salsa Legend - Upstaged

This entry was supposed to be about Salsa legend Jose Alberto "EL Canario"  He was seen in Times Square producing a segment with television personalities, for what may have been Univision or Telemundo.  With 19 solo albums and a career spanning more than three decades, this Dominican superstar used his melodic set of pipes to promote his new album.  But El Canario was upstaged by the spotlight-stealing body of "El Bombshell" (we'll call her for lack of a known name)

Her body type is what the girls in Washington Heights would call "Done" which simply means that all the voluptuousness you see was achieved with a little help from a very talented surgeon.

  One afternoon while getting my hair spanked out in a Bronx salon, I noticed  a four page pamphlet rotating around the salon. When it got passed to me I was shocked - yet intrigued. This little pamphlet illustrated how easily I could re-vamp the look of my most private "Female" part. And with a variety of choices for the "New look” it would only cost - let's just say a couple of months of New York rent would cover it. But there was just one catch - the surgeon is in Dominican Republic.  It may be no secret that many women do make this trip because needless to say as with most cosmetic surgeries, that type of operation could cost thousands more if done in the U.S.
"Hey I'm not going to tell Nikki Minaj that I don't want her because she's had her butt done," says my hunky and honest companion over Margaritas. In a culture which reveres beauty at most any age, cosmetic surgery has become a social norm and hopping on a plane to make it more affordable isn’t a taboo. It’s chic.