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Welcome My name is Tess. I'm a 9-5 New Yorker and traveler. My hobbies include destroying suitcases, photo-bombing tourists in Times Square, and taking long romantic ADHD walks around the globe. Welcome!

May 6, 2014


Keep "seat-mate" chatter to a minimum. Because nobody wants to hear your
damn conversation but you!

 Let's face it, anything more than a six hour flight can be agonizing, especially if  you're wedged away in airplane Gitmo economy class.  For those of you who dread long flights, there are a few survival tips that you can take ...or leave.

Stewardess! Anymore of that brand X vodka!?
Make use of the free booze - Cocktails, beer, pick your poison and indulge.  Most people spring for the wine. I go straight for the hard stuff. Vodka and coke.  Because alcohol plus altitude equals sweet drunken slumber. Of course you could end up dehydrated & awake looking like a wild animal. Therefore red wine and Tylenol might be easier and a little classier. Just wake me up at dinner service.

Business class can kiss my ass!

 Self medicate - When booze doesn't equal snooze,  have something else on hand just in case. If you've got some left over oxycodone from that time you had your tooth pulled, then go ahead knock yourself out -literally. Otherwise, spring for some over the counter sedatives because sometimes ear buds don't drown out the screaming kid kicking the seat back. But drug induced sleep suits most everyone.
If he farts, will that bag inflate? And who's going untie
his Ziploc bag when it's time to visit the loo?

The right attire to retire - Don't own a hooded sweatshirt or an eye mask? Well you can still cocoon up in airline blankets.  Additionally they cover up trouble spots for example a drooling mouth, a swollen gut and the general drunk-off-plane- booze ugly face)  Because using a storage bag doesn't conceal these things. So hoard a couple of blankets and get your cocoon on.

Is that your feet or did you order the vegetarian meal

Free your feet with caution - I once sat next to a 10, but when he took his shoes off I wanted to throw-up.  I know you want your dogs to breath but no one wants to see or smell your hammer toes. If you take your shoes off and people start to clear their throats, assume the worst. Bring fresh socks that you can change into because planes are air-conditioned and your little funk buckets will freeze.   

A neck pillow can keep your head stable and your slobbering contained to your chin

Protect yo' neck - Invest in a neck pillow it will offer your head some "roll over" real estate, and if you're in an aisle seat, it can potentially  keep you from head bobbing into the aisle and being slapped in the back of the head by a passing penis.  I'm jus' saying.... 

I'm just waiting for your head to swing into the aisle.
Getting the window seat in an exit row is like winning the lottery in economy class. And regular window seats are a sweet snatch. With that said, if you have a seat preference, go online the day of the flight to see if you can change your seat assignment. If all else fails grab a aisle seat. You'll have a easier time unwinding and there might be an extra seat to stretch out on.

Now sit back relax and enjoy the ride!!


  1. Tess, great stuff you got here! My biggest tip (which you sorta hit on with the neck pillow) is to make sure, if you are in the aisle seat, to make sure your head rolls in towards the window, lest it roll out into the aisle and one of those meal carts pummel into it (my biggest flying fear!). Also, make sure those arms and elbows don't jut out, for the same reason :)

    1. Thanks Christian! I imagine that being pummeled by the duty free cart is not only painful but slightly embarrassing. Tuck in those limbs!

  2. Great tips! We will definitely try them next time we fly :)


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