Best Worldwide Halloween Event is in New York (Warning: post full of pics)

So there I was, headed downtown  on a tightly packed 1 train, full of  people in Halloween costumes, when I overheard two pissed-off, plain dressed  Brits saying that they didn't know how "big a fucking deal" Halloween was to Americans.

The pic that inspired many tasteless jokes, all of which would land me in hell.

Really? We been doing this shit for 41 years.  The Village Halloween Parade In New York is the largest celebration of its kind, worldwide. What began as a typical neighborhood trick-or-treat walk for mask maker & puppeteer, Ralph Lee and his kids in 1974,  gradually became Festivals  International's  “Best Event in the World” for October 31.

I feel like she was probably his second choice for the side-kick costume

Two hours earlier,  I was having a drink with a centaur and the Australian wolf man beside us, could barely contain his excitement about the annual Halloween festival that was kicking of at 7 pm sharp.

After taking over the DJ's table to sing Prince "Let's go crazy" and watching the entire place oblige at GROOVE NYC. I made my way to the potty and chatted with a red hot Trinidadian devil.  She had just bagged Wolverine who was waiting patiently with her whip in his hand upstairs.

I prayed for her blasphemous sacrilegious choice for a costume

After getting a blessing from the Pope we made our way through the festivities. I was run over by fast food while watching  an alley cat take a shit ...or the shit was taking her. A nun told me to mind my fucking business and I graciously turned down a peanut butter & crack rock sandwich from Tyrone Biggums.

Halloween was never just for kids. That's just when most of us were introduced to it. And actually it's not until you hit 21 that you can begin to properly enjoy this holiday. The costumes,the crowds, the local bars and lounges are outfitted to the nines.  By the time you reach 28yrs old  it's damn near an Olympic sport.  It's some of the most  intoxicating fun you will ever have and best excuse to dress up.

That is a "shit"

 There is no shortage of imagination, cross-dressing and nakedness in this parade. A quarter of a million costumes running around several dozen blocked off streets and you have one of the most exhilarating atmosphere's in the world -for one night only.  Please don't shit on our holiday. Because we certainly don't shit on yours.

Every time my waitress brought anything to our table she scared the bejeezus

 out of me

 

Finding a Turkey made of tampons is easier than finding Tampons in Turkey.

Photo credit - Thanksgiving has never been so absorbent

There are certain things you need to know before you travel to different countries.  For example eating unripe ackee in Jamaican will kill you. Introducing yourself as Randi in the UK means you're a horny bastard. (tough break if that's actually your name) Public drinking is no longer legal in Rome.  And female circumcision is real in up to 70% of African countries. So be careful backpacking in the bush ladies.( no pun intended)


Another need-to-know fact is that the tampon revolution has not, I repeat, has not infiltrated Turkey.  I mean this is a mostly liberal Muslim country.  Women wear bikinis on the beach (for better or worse) public displays of affection won't get you stoned to death. Women smoke in public. Wearing short-shorts won't get you clapped upside the head with a Koran. The clubs are totally westernized. And when the Mu'azzin makes the  call to salat (prayer), you don't see many people stop, drop, and roll onto prayer mats.

Photo credit Tampons are our friends

However, trying to (gently) explain  your "need to plug the bleed"  will be met with a look of genuine perplexity.  I mean the UK, Ireland and South Africans are familiar with these cute little cotton snatch-catchers. But Turkey is not having it.

Interestingly , in Turkey, men aren't skittish when it comes to picking up their lady's fem products. He'll toss them in the cart along with the weekly ration of yogurt, olives and peppers. He may even return with scented and unscented (because he wanted you to have options)

 But to explain or demonstrate, to either sex, how a tampon works can be akin to explaining how to perform open-heart surgery with two toothpicks and a butter knife (Macgyver style).  I suspect they don't believe that virginity & these beaver plugs mix.

It's hard to look away when they make the box look so inviting

Gratis.com is one of Turkey's fastest growing retail markets And they are owned by Sedesco Inc. which operates out of New York.
Their mission - "to globally source consumer products in the categories of personal care ...."
Their development team "Travels the world looking for products that are not readily found in the Turkish Marketplace.

Hey if you seriously want to differentiate yourself from other Turkish retailers, take a leap of faith and stock those shelves with some tampons.  If not for the Turks then do it for the elusive network of expat women who secretly covet & barter tampons like cigarettes in jail.

Green Space All Up In Yo' Face

So, Which "Woolly Wall Pockets" combination is this!?

Dave &  Henrie Whitcomb's 2500 sq foot vertical garden wall in New York's Greenwich Village

There's a certain sense of calm you get from having green."

Nope I'm not talking about the maybe-illegal-depending-on-where-you-live kind....  I am actually referring to the kind you luxuriate in - Nature.

Many of us normal folk' can attest to the statement above, made by Joe McMillan, the CEO of developer DDG Partners. But not on his level.  He and a bunch of other ridiculously rich Manhattan dwellers, are spending beaucoup bucks, some up to half a million dollars, to create green spaces on the terraces and roofs of their multi-million dollar penthouses.

70 Little West St.  battery Park.  Home of Fred Rich and his 2000 square ft Botanical slap in the face.

“I feel incredibly privileged to be able to pick and eat fresh fruit and vegetables in the city; the flavor of fresh-picked food is incomparable,” - Fred Rich, as told to The New York Post.  And from the looks of his rooftop, clearly he ain't referring to the aisles in Wholefoods y'all.

Japanese maples spruces, pines, thyme and fruit trees..... These people are growing Panera Bread salads on their penthouse decks and while we fumble around with  woolly pockets on our bedroom walls.

A clearer depiction of NYC garden terraces

My thoughts on this? Get tha Fugg outta here!
While I completely understand, I can't help but laugh. Here's why.
When I'm out dranking and yucking it up with my New York cohorts, they always say "why" or "That's too bad" when they find out that I am a suburban dweller. and I always shrug with an understanding smile.  But to be truthfully honest...... please keep your crummy sympathy.

One reason?  Because while these guys run to parks for green space, along side the hoards of bikini and speedo clad sunbathers, masturbaters, and crusty characters, I simply go into the backyard.
Many of them don't even know that their coveted Central Park was laid with over 18,000 yards of Jersey manure? Yup, it's true!

Central Park scavenger hunt for green space.
Photo credit: Flicker.com

For the love of Jesus people, let's stop acting like this city doesn't treat nature as an accessory instead of a necessity. It's awesome to work and play in the city that never sleeps. But when the party is done I skip my ass back to the abundantly green suburbs.  It's like living on the more developed part of a third world.  You know, like when you go to Jamaica and the resort is beautiful, then you step your foots outside the resort into Jamrock. (No shade Jamaica - 1-Love)

Honestly I think some of these urban dwellers suffer a little "suburb envy".  I mean how else can you explain it?  Perhaps you can get a landscaping job on this guys terrace

Drunktown is the face of Native America?

Before the "dripping in jewels" era  

As a perk of my indentured servitude employer , I’ll be going to see a few private screenings of the Sundance & Tribeca films for $Free.99, this year.  Among them is a film called Drunktown’s Finest.

When I read the bio for this film  I immediately went to the trailer so that I could gawk at the actors.  I wanted to know if these were the faces of real Native Americans Indians. 

Let me preface my next, and possibly biased comment by saying,  I’m pretty good with matching faces to certain countries. For example, countries in East Africa; I can tell Somalis, Ethiopians & a Kenyans when I see them.)  I can basically identify  Ecuadorians from Salvadorians & Mexicans from Colombians (because they've flooded the neighboring town - and thank God because it’s the only reason I can get decent produce indigenous to the Caribbean)

Brazil is home to over 60 tribes of  indigenous hunter gatherers 

However, I honestly couldn’t spot a Native American if I was standing on the reservation and my life depended on it.  For a long time, I thought  Lou Diamond Philips was the only Native American actor who made it out of the reservation hood and into stardom. And as far as I know, all the Quileutes in the Twilight series were pretty convincing. 

 Aside from existing images of traditional & noteworthy Native Americans,  I often think of modern day Native American features as a hybrid between Filipino and Ecuadorians. Or like the tribal people deep in Brazil. Or Samoans?  How many of you really even know what a Modern day Native American looks like?

Not every actor, but several of the wolf pack actors are in fact Native
American.

So because you cannot be worldly without knowing a little about the people who originally inhabited the continent that they were slayed on, before the next wave enslaved people were brought in to develop it, I did my homework (read: Googled).  and here’s what I found.

P.S. There are 36 speaking roles in Drunktown's Finest and of those roles, 32 are Native American Indians.

·         In 1990 George H. W. Bush declare the month of November as Native American Heritage Month

·         The reason that so many Black Americans claim Native American Heritage, is because it’s true. Although not everybody actually is “a quarter Indian” there was a point in American history (slavery) where the ethnicities joined forces.

·          Lou Diamond Philips is not Native American

·         Julia Jones and Alex Meraz from the “wolf pack” in Twilight are Native American (and sexy as hell)

·         Sacajawea is the Native American face that you see on the U.S dollar coin

·         Actor Will Rogers was born to a well respected Native American Territory family in Oklahoma

P.S.  This is still a travel blog. …I think

5 TIPS FOR SLEEPING ON PLANES

Keep "seat-mate" chatter to a minimum. Because nobody wants to hear your
damn conversation but you!

 Let's face it, anything more than a six hour flight can be agonizing, especially if  you're wedged away in airplane Gitmo economy class.  For those of you who dread long flights, there are a few survival tips that you can take ...or leave.

Stewardess! Anymore of that brand X vodka!?

Make use of the free booze - Cocktails, beer, pick your poison and indulge.  Most people spring for the wine. I go straight for the hard stuff. Vodka and coke.  Because alcohol plus altitude equals sweet drunken slumber. Of course you could end up dehydrated & awake looking like a wild animal. Therefore red wine and Tylenol might be easier and a little classier. Just wake me up at dinner service.

Business class can kiss my ass!

 Self medicate - When booze doesn't equal snooze,  have something else on hand just in case. If you've got some left over oxycodone from that time you had your tooth pulled, then go ahead knock yourself out -literally. Otherwise, spring for some over the counter sedatives because sometimes ear buds don't drown out the screaming kid kicking the seat back. But drug induced sleep suits most everyone.

If he farts, will that bag inflate? And who's going untie
his Ziploc bag when it's time to visit the loo?

The right attire to retire - Don't own a hooded sweatshirt or an eye mask? Well you can still cocoon up in airline blankets.  Additionally they cover up trouble spots for example a drooling mouth, a swollen gut and the general drunk-off-plane- booze ugly face)  Because using a storage bag doesn't conceal these things. So hoard a couple of blankets and get your cocoon on.

Is that your feet or did you order the vegetarian meal

Free your feet with caution - I once sat next to a 10, but when he took his shoes off I wanted to throw-up.  I know you want your dogs to breath but no one wants to see or smell your hammer toes. If you take your shoes off and people start to clear their throats, assume the worst. Bring fresh socks that you can change into because planes are air-conditioned and your little funk buckets will freeze.   

A neck pillow can keep your head stable and your slobbering contained to your chin

Protect yo' neck - Invest in a neck pillow it will offer your head some "roll over" real estate, and if you're in an aisle seat, it can potentially  keep you from head bobbing into the aisle and being slapped in the back of the head by a passing penis.  I'm jus' saying.... 

I'm just waiting for your head to swing into the aisle.

 
Getting the window seat in an exit row is like winning the lottery in economy class. And regular window seats are a sweet snatch. With that said, if you have a seat preference, go online the day of the flight to see if you can change your seat assignment. If all else fails grab a aisle seat. You'll have a easier time unwinding and there might be an extra seat to stretch out on.

Now sit back relax and enjoy the ride!!

Experience Poverty ..in Luxury

Emoya Spa & Hotel make Luxuriating in poverty a guilt-free experience. 

Can someone tell me what this about? 

 

At first Glance, I thought this was the set for Beyond Scared Straight – South Africa. I quietly thought yea, this is a pretty shitty place to end up because shantytowns are horrible places.

And then I saw the video?  And I thought; is this even ethical?

Emoya's make shift shantytown, seen here, has heated floors and internet Wi-Fi!

 

  When I think of dream vacations for an African safari the idea of cozying up to a oil barrel of flames just outside of my ultra plush corrugated metal shack like the real poor folk of South Africa does not come to mind.

Sierra Leone - I have visited shantytowns and there is nothing luxurious about them.  Most times you want to be sure your vaccinations are up to date before going inside one. 

 

 And although nothing captures those special moments and creates  genuine memories quite like poverty housing. The lack of sanitation, the disastrous hygiene conditions, and water born diseases that really puts the stamp of authenticity on shanty town living scares the fuck out of me and is not to be mocked !

 

Emoya gives you a tour of the grounds! 

The YouTube audience is disgusted. Proof of that is in the comments section. 

One person suggested that the Emoya Spa & Hotel owners kill themselves. 

While other suggested more subtle things like hoping that their children get cancer (ouch)

 

 

 

I've heard of themed accommodations when traveling but some people take shit way to literal and beyond too far.  This is mockery.  As a black American I would be scared to death to stay here thinking that it was a trap and they would Solomon North me back into a pre-apartheid like era.

This is a very real Shanty in Sierra Leone. This pic was taken during my travels in 2009 if you cannot see the date stamp I so lazily did not edit out!    

Furthermore, If I had the dire misfortune of being one of the millions of South Africa's actual shantytown residents, I think I would burn this bitch down to manicured land these rat bastards unceremoniously built it on. Cancel my reservation and my apologies to the wildlife.

These are very real Shantytown residents.
Sierra Leone

Lesser Known Holidays That Deserve Pay.

 

If you are not a fan of holidays, then that's too bad because the next two months are wrought with some major ones like Christmas, New Year's, MLK, Chinese New Year's & Valentines. 

 

But did you know that there are a few lesser known and yet intriguing ones coming up as well? How do you I know this?  Because i was cruising the paid holiday calendar at work.  So for those of you who cannot legitimately observe religious holidays without being blasphemous or sacrilegious.  Here are a few that you can propose be added to the Paid Holiday schedule.



You can thank me later.........

owning a fleet of these buses almost guarantees instant wealth. 

Festival Of Sleep Day - January 3rd -   Who hasn't experienced the 48hr hangover, post New Year's. And after all the energy spent closing an entire 365 days, the third day of the new year is usually full of the walking dead still recovering from alcoholism, sleep deprivation or simply lying about being sick because they are still on vacation in bumbafuck. So why force them to use a sick day? They should really called this "Pick Up The Pieces" day. 

 Houseplant Appreciation day - 1/10 - The name alone explains why you can't possibly show up to work on this day. How can you appropriately show your undying affection, if you are not side-by-side to your beloved potted perfection of greenery? (medical marijuana aside)  After all, it offers you a immediate source of oxygen from the polluted life you live.  And not being there to say thank you? - well that's just selfish.....

 

 

Opposite Day - January 25th  - Well what's the opposite of being at work? Boom!! They say this holiday may date back to president Calvin Coolidge in the 1920s'. So if it good enough for a president then damnit who am I to oppose?

 

Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk Day - February 11th - "Today is the day to recognize that sh*t happens."  Well I couldn't have said it better myself!  Sh*t happens everyday and still I and millions of others manage to make it to our jobs - and on time.  So give us a little friggin' well deserved credit here and make this a paid holiday.   

 

 

Singles Awareness Day - February 15th - "You can celebrate and enjoy the fact that you are unattached, by spending time in online dating sites, swapping gifts and spending time with other single people", is how they say this holiday should be celebrated.

 And if that isn't depressing enough, they declare this shitty holiday just after Valentines day - on purpose. As far as I'm concerned this holiday would give the suicide hotline a marathon day of work.  And well, making those suicidal calls from work can bring down productivity so - stay home!    

 

Tell A Fairy Tale Day  February 26th - Most of us spend a good portion of the day doing this anyway. So instead of wasting all those colorful stories on people you will only lie to again tomorrow, take a day off today recoup some karma points.



So there you have it kids! And there are dozens more out there. So have a great New Year. I  would tell you that there will be another entry before 2014 but that would be a fairy tale. And that holiday is two months away. 

Be good and if you can't be good .....then dammit be good at it!

Cheers!

#quittheratracein2014
 

Can We Talk About The Indians In The Room?

Source

As a handsome young, Indian commuter & I  discussed the severe winters in the NYC Metro area, he said that he considered moving back to the year-round tropical weather of his own country in fifteen years time. "India Tropical?" really?  

 When I told him that I too considered "expat-ing" abroad, in East Africa, perhaps Tanzania, he jumped in excitedly and said, "Really? That's where I am from!" Habari Gani! He then proceeded to talk to me in perfect Swahili.

Miss Tanzania 2007 Richa Adhia -
Her victory ignited an ethnic debate

Many people are aware of how the entrails of colonialism in Africa, left behind large numbers of Germans, Dutch, & French to name a few.  And although many of these groups left en mass, as African countries began gaining their independence; those who remained now consider themselves to be Afrikaners, a separate ethnic group of non-indigenous Africans.   

But by what name do we call the Indians of Africa? How many people know about the Asian population that settled in Africa, beyond South African borders?  Ethnic Indians can be found throughout sub-Saharan Africa by the hundreds of thousands. And their presence however small, is still noteworthy.
 

Did you know that Tanzania has an Indian Embassy?
source

  

But what brought them to Sub-Sahara Africa in the first place? Indentured servitude, the British, and the early scramble for African development play a prominent role. For example, when Britain commissioned the construction for the Kenya-Uganda Railway in 1896, the project brought over 30k Indians to Sub-Saharan African for work over a 30 year period.

However, this doesn't explain why when work related contracts ended, or when dictators, like Idi Amin expelled them after having a dream in which "God told him to do it", (sure blame God) still many of them chose to stay behind. One reason seems to have had much to do with what the British began doing - enterprising 

 

Source
Asian-Africans - Rwanda



During the 1900s' Indians in Kenya held significant economic strength & political positions over indigenous Blacks.  In 1905 a merchant named Alibhai Mulla Jeevanjee, became one of Kenya’s first Indian politicians. He also founded The African Standard - Kenya's first newspaper, which is still in circulation today.  And did you know that by 1948, 183 of Uganda's 195 cotton ginneries were Indian run? Indians also largely controlled the trade in Zanzibar.

Presently, East African countries like Tanzania not only have an Indian embassy but have had former beauty queens of Indian descent.  Zambia Mozambique and Rwanda also have thriving Indian communities. And Zanzibar is the birthplace of Freddie Mercury, of the band Queen



Source
Mombasa a coastal region in Kenya is a popular wedding destination.  





Over the following decades, Indians amassed a comfortable amount of wealth, owning properties establishing businesses and cornering commercial trade markets in countries like Kenya, Tanzania, and Malawi.  "A Bend in the River written by Indian-Trinidadian author, V.S Naipaul, is said to have best described the experience of the Indian population in Sub-Saharan Africa. 

Like most Africans, these Southeast Asian descendants speak several languages; English, one or two ancestral Indian languages (i.e. Gujarati) and of course, the national language of the African country they are from (i.e. Swahili).  Historically, Indians have moved throughout the world in search of work, for centuries. They can also be found calling home to a number of Caribbean countries like Trinidad, Guyana, Suriname & Jamaica.

Take a look as writer/director Steve Sander's tells the tale of these trans-continental Indians or "Indian-Africans" in a documentary called African Raga.  And the next time someone of  Indian descent tells you they can't wait to visit home, be sure to ask "where" exactly home is.

Cartagena; The Black Colombians Y'all

 Cartagena; Colombia's "African" Coast. 

So, I once saw a Shakira video (you know, her hips don't lie) where she's home, in Colombia doing something charitable. Nothing odd about that.  However, what I did find interesting, was that everyone around her was black.  And I thought, "Is this really Colombia she is in or am I missing something?"  

"Obvio"  
Was the way 12yr old  Joanna responded when we asked if she can dance Champeta. .  

 

I hadn't previously planned to visit Colombia, but an airfare deal further stoked my intrigue.  Three days later, the ticket was booked and I began scouring travel websites for information on Cartagena, the coastal region of Colombia. 

And I found plenty.... however many websites kind of failed to mention one very important detail about this coastal city. But the truth was about to hit me harder than a sock full of nickels to the face.

This is on an Island about 20 minutes by row boat off off the mainland.  They call it La Boquillita or "Little Boquilla" is waterlogged throughout most of the island.

Did you know that the population in Cartagena is predominately Black? As well as the cities of  Cali, Baranquilla and Choco.  I'm not going to lie to you folks I arrive in most countries with few expectations - but I honestly was not expecting that. 

Sure I'd heard about the oftentimes unmentioned legions of Afro-Latinos in places like Ecuador, Mexico, Peru, El Salvador, Belize and Nicaragua to name a few.   

But to be in a country, in which the free world rarely focuses on, much less admits to the presence of such a staggeringly large population of African descendants, outside of North America made this trip, by far, one of the most humbling I've taken.

  

These are the guys at Mt. Totumo (the mud volcano).  They are part of a collective that maintains the grounds and upkeep for the volcano and it's visitors.

In any case, I spent several days touring and learning about the history of Africans in Cartagena.  And perhaps, to overstate the obvious, it was in many aspects, extremely similar to the difficult plight of Africans in America. 

Did you know that more African slaves were brought to South and Latin America than North America? Ten fold. Many coastal cities in these Caribbean countries had ports which were the drop off point for cargo of all kinds including the human kind. 



 La Negra 

A fundamental difference however, is that in many Latin-American countries, including Colombia, colonial governments tried like hell to wipe out any trace of the black population through race mixing. 

And you would believe that it worked, until you are in the middle of a population that looks, well, exactly like yourself .  The failed tactic however, led to the marginalization of an entire population based on the color of their skin, and according to the locals, much of this marginalization still exists today.  

Joanna's little brother (left) and cousin (center). They made their own video after a quick iPhone tutorial.



However this could have also had a huge affect on the way I experienced this beautiful city.  During my visit, I walked the streets daily, of what is regarded as an extremely dangerous city, in the day as well as the evenings .

 In areas like Getsamani, San Diego & Bocagrande, I met people and made connections, never once feeling any of the danger that I was strongly advised of beforehand. 

Cartagenians were friendly, hospitable and generally went about their business. 

Inside the Carneceria (meat market) section of "El Mercado." The atmosphere is lively. This gentleman wanted to know what a local girl was doing with a tour guide? Then he caught on.



Palenqueros

Is not only used to describe the woman above, it is also used to describe the language she would speak and the accompanying culture.  It is also thought to be the only Spanish-based creole in Latin America.  The language has strong roots in the Kikongo language spoken in Congo and Angola - both countries of Africa.   

Some scholars believe it may have been the main language of African slaves across Latin America. The lady above may not be an authentic Palenquero but she's reppin' the presence of a disappearing culture.   

This is the only way to La Boquillita - by "Water Taxi".    

Oftentimes I was mistaken for a local girl by tourists and Colombians alike.  But not always..

 "Morena,” they called out. "De donde tu eres? Or ”La negra, que es su pais?" I was shocked because as sure as I had blended in, I very much stood out. And yet I noticed how Cartagenians let their guard down & embraced me.  I used their curiousity as a segue to my own inquiries and also as an opportunity to make new friends!  

In this photo, Henry, Elias and me are travelling by boat through the community to head back to the open water that will  return  us to the mainland.  The only thing that separates these houses from the water is a small bit of elevated ground.


 It was romantic to hear the call of cocks, chirping crickets, barking dogs, and laughing children throughout this slow row. Neighbors call out to you when you pass by offering a friendly "Buenas!"
I was emotionally conflicted, envying the simplicity but not the conditions

El Capitán, Elias

I lounged on the beach at Bocagrande drinking cervezas with local shop owners and their friends while other tourists got haggled by vendors. I ate lunch at the table with the resident families in Boquillita while other tourists isolated themselves in cabanas.

And  I was occasionally asked to take photos with other tourists, who didn't realize that I too was a tourist.

Perhaps I let my guard down too low considering the country's overall reputation.
But I casually disappeared into the ebb and flow of the city without any harm coming to me.
Who knows maybe the combo of common sense, street smarts, and brown skin is what saved my ass!

Anyway why would I hold back? These people were exotic and yet familiar, hospitable and peaceful. Their culture, those colors, the foods many of which were typical island traits.  Within just a few short days, I had gladly assimilated into a culture that seemed so foreign and yet jarringly familiar to me. Who knows, maybe that's the magic of Cartagena!

Have you ever visited a country that was nothing like it's presumed reupation?
...and did anyone believe you??